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By Ellie, July 10, 2009 1:27 pm

Sometimes, you just want an educational toy with the ability to make people go “aww” and “what the hell” at the same time.

Introducing giant microbe plushes! Made of durable and huggable material, these little guys come in adorable forms such as: brain cell, common cold, E. coli, herpes, mono, penicillin, MRSA (with a Dracula cape), fat cell, flesh eating disease (carries its own dinnerware), the clap, chicken pox (complete with red comb), Lyme disease, HIV, staph, pneumonia, anthrax, and even mad cow disease!

Look at that little dude! He looks so pissed! I wanna buy that little guy so I can cuddle him and scare my husband.

All right, some of you folks might be thinking that this is some pretty weird, and even offensive, crap. But judging from the reviews, plenty of customers like these plushes. They even come with informative cards that detail the illness’s traits or the medicine’s uses.

But I think the product description says it best (and not just because I can’t think of anything else to say about these things):

Most folks never realize how cute microbes can be when expanded 1,000,000 times and then fashioned into cuddly plush. Until now, that is. Keep one on your desktop to remind yourself that there is an “invisible” universe out there filled with very small things that can do incredible damage to much bigger things. Then go and wash your hands. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I’m developing open, weeping sores just thinking about buying one of these guys!

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By Ellie, June 12, 2009 5:49 pm

Like any person with a fair chance of developing diabetes, I love sweets. Pastries, gummies, cakes, pies–if it’s sweet and there’s a chance that my health will suffer, I’ll push it down my gullet. And with the summer Southern heat intensifying day by day, I turn to ice cream for cool, sweet comfort.

But it’s never easy to decide. You got your singular flavors, plain yet illustrious: vanilla and chocolate. Then you got the chunky ones, each flavor with a mouthful of crunchy or chewy treasures: mint chocolate chip, strawberry, and cherry. Then we have our adventurous forays, each one promising a grand experience for the palate: birthday cake, fried ice cream, lemon creme pie, and so many more. It’s impossible to ignore the calls to the frozen desserts aisle, and I must scour the displays. Even just seeing the different flavors can be enough to satisfy the cravings, if only for a short while.

But there are times when I must try a flavor to indulge my curiosity–and there are times when it feels like I’m punishing it at the same time.

Yes, taking up half a carton while befriending vanilla ice cream with caramel pieces is a new, daring flavor: popcorn, with candy-coated popcorn pieces and praline peanuts. Personally, I believe that puffed-up corn kernels shouldn’t be frozen, mixed into dairy products, or manipulated into a creamy substance.

That’s what I thought of the concept. The taste is another matter altogether.

It was nothing short of odd. No, peculiar. No… incongruous. I couldn’t tell if the popcorn pieces had been candied. The coating probably dissolved in the ice cream. Not that it mattered, since every time I bit down on a piece, I had the unsettling feeling that someone had chewed up and spat popcorn into my ice cream. Shades of family movie night pranks…

Take out the popcorn pieces, and you might have a winning flavor on your hands. Otherwise, every mouthful just leaves you wondering if someone’s spit is mingling with yours.

By the way, the caramel for the plain vanilla tasted burnt. It did nothing to wash down the popcorn stuff. I should have tried rocky road.