Ah, an update. A day late, at that. I had a very good reason, mostly to do with potential employment, but that’s for Tumblr.

This post is about going on a quasi-hiatus.

When I set out on this blog, I had no clear idea where I was going with it. It was going to be a personal thing, just like a LiveJournal account, only more public. Still, didn’t know exactly what to do with it, how it could help (or hamper) me, blah blah. I tried doing a photoblog; lasted a week. Tried posting things I found obnoxious or weird; lasted a month, if I remember correctly. It wasn’t until I started to get serious about my writing and reading up on self-marketing–pretty vital if you want to build an audience and attract potential agents and editors–that I got an inkling about my blog’s potential.

I still didn’t quite know what I wanted the blog to do, though. What could I talk about? Did it have to be all about my projects? That might get boring after a while. Maybe I could write about the publishing industry… if I felt like doing all that research on a regular basis. (I don’t have my finger on the pulse of the industry, although I am aware of its alleged death throes and the rise of indie publishing.) In the end, the blog would be just about my opinions on publishing, books, and the like. But it wasn’t enough.

Everything I’d read said that you have to find a niche, you have to update at least once a week, and you have to provide engaging content. Otherwise, you can’t effectively market yourself and get yourself known. As a person of too many interests and ambitions, I have a hard enough time narrowing down my objectives. The fact that I finished two drafts of a sci-fi novel and have had a webcomic running for nearly six months says a lot about my attent–hey, Out At Home updated!

I got updating once a week down, pretty much. As for engaging content and a niche… Well, I got to thinking about it, and I realized that I’ve written a handful of posts I can say I’m truly proud of. Everything else is fluff. It’s led me to wonder if I should bother keeping a weekly blog.

Most of my concentration these days is focused on This Is Johnny, which I’m trying to draw three months ahead of schedule, and a novel. I’m also anticipating steady employment in the future, and that definitely will impact any creative output, hence my feverish drawing and plotting. (Exactly when or if I’ll be employed, I can’t tell you. Academic/government employers like to take their time when it comes to filling out paperwork, it seems. I could very well have won the position but not know anything concrete until a few weeks or months from now.)

I can think of topics to blog about. I just don’t think I can do it on a regular basis. (Honestly, weekly columnists’s habits baffle me. How do they do it consistently?) I’d thought about my niche being “exploring the publishing industry and storytelling in all its various forms while working on my own stories.” That’s doable, but really. How do I prevent my blog from becoming a self-masturbatory journal like all the others out there? How do I stay in my niche without getting bored of it? How can I come up with fresh, mostly unbiased content that doesn’t revolve around my projects or myself?

It’s going to take some careful thought, which I’d rather do while the blog rests quietly.

I’m not giving up this blog. I just won’t be updating it regularly as I’ve had in the past. I’d rather devote my energy to actually doing the projects that are “live” now, and post a single thoughtful and engaging entry for my blog, say, once a month than rush a 500-word entry every week.

So what’s going to happen? I’ll keep the blog up, of course. When I can come up with some worthwhile material for it–be it an essay on publishing trends, personal musings on writing/creating/software, or “portfolio bites” from projects, or even a stupid Disney Afternoon comic recap–I’ll post it here. In the meantime, I’m tweeting practically every day. I’m trying to get into the habit of posting on Tumblr on a regular basis without having to vomit a load of stupid fluff just to get a thousand followers. My new Flickr account will be seeing new pieces as I get around to them. Facebook is confined to friends and family, so don’t expect to see much of that account.

So I’m still around. Just not blogging as usual. With that said, I’ll catch you guys later.

But first, let me go back in time. Back to May 18, 2010. I know the exact date because the file properties for Evan and Ronny say that’s when it was created.

I’d been working on a middle-grade sci-fi novel for the past several weeks. Determined to finish something and attempt to get it published, I dove into this project with nothing more than an idea and a handful of characters from one of my many abandoned projects. That project was a webcomic about a trio of college roommates trying to make it through the next four years in a topsy-turvy world. Yeah. Frigging groundbreaking.

But the protagonists were going to have more fun in this new project. For one, I turned them into preteens. What better age than those magical years when the world is still new, adventures can be found just down the sidewalk, and sex was something you’d heard about but weren’t too interested in (yet)? The limbo between childhood and the teenage years. You’re not quite aware of your own innocence, you don’t yet envy younger kids, but you wouldn’t mind emulating a few of the cooler kids. Toss in a few aliens, subtract a mom, sprinkle in a few elements from my actual childhood in Puerto Rico, and I had a bestseller in the making!

Outlines? I had a rough one, which was constantly updated as I barreled through the first draft. It took about 30 pages, but I got my characters where they needed to be. They were going to save the world! They were on their way to adventure!

Then it stalled.

I struggled over the last few words, looking back and forth between the sloppy outline and my word processor. Forcing myself to type. But nothing. I was stuck. Again.

Another abandoned project.

I was never going to finish anything. My creative life would be nothing more than a string of half-finished manuscripts and scrap paper with scene notes, notebooks filled with what-ifs and colorful sketches. I’d only dream about my characters. I’d become what I hated: a never-been, a mere dreamer. But at least I tried, right?

My eyes remained plastered to the black words frozen in the word processor. I knew I’d never revisit them again with any real intention to add to them. I accepted their fate. I was about to accept mine.

Then something clicked in my brain. Maybe my subconsciousness, maybe a muse whose existence I doubted, but something rang out through the desperate groans echoing among my frenzied thoughts. I’m calling it the spark. And this is what it said: “Open a new file.”

I did without hesitation. Then the spark started working. The ideas came spilling out like oil.

“Take some characters from another project, people you like. How about that other webcomic? How many of those did you abandon, anyway? Never mind, take that one that was supposed to take place in Hollywood. That had a cast of a thousand. How about Evan? You liked him a lot. How about Ronny? He was a great one, too. They had some real chemistry. Let’s throw them together again. Let’s choose a time. The future. How far into the future? Let’s make it a thousand or so. We can figure it out later. Wait, wait, let’s write something now. Something to stabilize this story, get it started.”

After mulling it over, I typed this:

Bradyn Corbeil’s alive, though not very well. He’s not talking. So I’ve been sent in.

“A mystery!” the spark said. “We’re not writing a mystery, but some mysterious elements won’t hurt. So Evan’s telling the story? Don’t worry about his age or sex. You’ve never been a girly girl to begin with; you can probably fake a gender-neutral voice pretty well. Let’s just get a story going. What, is this first part too boring? Okay, let’s skip ahead. We’ve got an anchor in place; we can follow the chain back after we’ve had fun. Let’s get Evan in trouble. What kind of trouble? Life-threatening? I love it! How’d he get there? Unknowingly ingested something? Is he seeing weird nightmare-fueling shit? Awesome!”

Back and forth, back and forth, over the next several weeks. Going ahead to the adventure in progress, then skipping back to figure out how he got there. Probably not the best way to write, but many authors had done it. Why couldn’t it work for me?

Somehow, it did. Over the next three months, I watched Evan and his friends struggle through an unforgiving wilderness. Editing while I wrote, throwing away entire chunks of the story, weaving in elements from Evan’s previous project, making second draft notes in another file… Oh, it was an awful, wonderful mess. Nearly 141,500 words later, I had a workable first draft which I would later transform into an even better draft.

Over five months later, I had that second draft of nearly 213,400 words. Now I know what I need to do to create an even better, and hopefully final (and somewhat shorter), draft.

While writing the second draft, I got it in my head that I needed to turn this into some sort of trilogy. (All the rage, right?) Explore other parts of this galaxy I’d created. Weave in some sort of family saga. I could do that. Hell, I got through this novel twice. I could do it all over again with TSoS.

So that’s what I did. Or attempted.

Start, restart, restart. Graphic novel or heavily illustrated novel? Back to plain text? Change POV. Try to like these characters. Why isn’t this working? What the hell am I doing wrong? What the fuck?! Did that doorstop spoil me for other novels? Am I so stuck on writing and drawing a webcomic that I can’t think in words anymore? Of course I can think in words! I’m writing notes for everything! What the hell is wrong?

It was happening all over again. I couldn’t abandon this project. Not again. If I did, that meant I could easily abandon E&R.

I was getting scared.

Not too long ago–last week, actually–I decided to continue my quest to read 50 books this year (downgraded from 100 books, which was a pretty insane undertaking). Write Faster, Write Better was one of those books I bought during my “I’ve got to learn how to WRITE” phase, long before I decided that I knew everything possible and it was time to study “how to SELL and PROMOTE”. David Fryxell could have gotten his point across in a short paragraph, but he stretched it along 245 pages. I wasn’t looking forward to struggling through another page of my novel in progress, so I was snappish towards Fryxell and his meaningful advice.

“Yeah, I get it. You’ve got to prepare. Need to think about the topic, need to do research before you write. Why are you repeating yourself?”

It didn’t hit me until the thirteenth chapter, “Writing Fiction Faster and Better”. I was thankful for Fryxell for hammering the point home several times, because it was only then that I realized what I need to do for this current novel: I need to be prepared before I even write.

The more I thought about it, the more my predicament made sense. I wasn’t in love with my story.

I fell in love with E&R. From the start, after I put Evan’s life in danger, I was concerned for all of the cast. It was more than just feeling bad for them or crying when something horrible happened. As I was forcing them through crises or giving them crippling backstories, I told them, “I’m sorry I have to do this to you, but you can’t grow otherwise.” Then I proudly watched them move through their trials. I loved them, even as I harmed them. I wished I could have given them perfect beginnings and endings, but if they’d been coddled, would they have stories to tell?

With this current novel in progress, I’d set up a few obstacles and was planning to move my characters through them. I knew what they were going to do from the beginning. No movement for error, misjudgement, or backtracking. No one questions motives; everything was plotted out. It’s perfect.

It’s rigid, boring, and it leaves no room for real adventure.

All that just to satisfy the desire to write another first draft in record time.

I was trying to repeat my success with E&R. Talking to my husband about it, I realized something else: E&R was a fluke. A wonderful fluke that proved my determination to see a project through to the end, and fed my confidence as a writer and creator. That’s probably the real reason why it was written, even though I intend to publish it one day. The spark did it to give me hope.

Yet along the way, I fell in love with the story and the characters. That’s why I stuck with it. I wanted to see everyone through, even if some of them weren’t going to make it or have very happy endings.

With TSoS, it was all a race. Can I write another first draft in three months? Sure, I could. Would I enjoy the rush? No. I wouldn’t.

***

Last night, I took out the TSoS journal and continued my protagonist’s bio. Writing on paper forces me to think words through. It’s easy to get carried away on a keyboard and write a bunch of crap you don’t intend to keep.

An hour later, I’d uncovered little bits of Tedric and his family I never knew. I learned why he was angry with life in general, yet how he maintains a cheery disposition with his friends. I found out that despite the hasty divorce, his mother still loved his father. More surprisingly, Tedric’s half-siblings also liked his biological father. What would the stepdad think if he ever found out? I’ll solve that little mystery when I get to his bio.

I think I’m getting to the heart of this story by plotting it out on paper. If it turns out that I have to do all the rough work in my journal before I can write the real story on the computer, then that’s how it’ll be done. If I need to plan out the story for several months or even a year before I can create a fantastic final product, then that’s how it’ll be done.

Like I said, E&R was a fluke that boosted my confidence, and I’m sure it’ll go places once the time is right. But now that the thrill of a whirlwind, breakneck love affair is over, I need to properly court this other story. I need engagement rings in the forms of loose outlines and character journals. If it takes several months or a year before the “marriage” finally begins, that’s fine. I shouldn’t be in a hurry to put out a sloppy, half-assed (or quarter-assed) story; I’ve got an ongoing webcomic and other projects, so it’s not like I’m unproductive.

In other words, I need to take the time to simply fall in love with this story.

(Now that I’m done with this post and all its awkward analogies and metaphors, I think I’ll get back to watching MST3K. I’m saving the courting for tonight. All right, that was a little too weird…)

I worked through a doorstop novel. Twice, in fact. There were scenes I didn’t care for, but they were necessary to the plot. Either they explained something pertinent to the story, or they bridged two other scenes. So, while I disliked them, I nevertheless enjoyed (to an extent) writing them. Getting through these scenes meant my story would make sense, and I’d be getting to my favorite scenes. It was a chore I was more than willing to get through.

(On that note, anyone who tells you that “every step of writing must be a complete, rapturous joy or else you just don’t enjoy it” is full of crap. Writing is pretty much like living: there are days when it’s mind-bendingly awesome, and there are days when it sucks hairy ass, and still there are days when it’s so-so.)

TSoS, this current book, started out fair. It took some getting used to, what with the new cast of characters and setting. Oh, and the loose outline I’d written. But when I got to a crucial scene where the protagonist is sent on the first leg of his mission, I started to stumble. Hard. Like “stumbling until I’ve twisted both ankles three times each” hard.

I would write a sentence. Figure out what the characters needed and how the scene should progress despite the fact that I already knew. It was like a block had been put on my brain, making it refuse to acknowledge the prescribed plot points. What the hell was going on? Had I lost my mojo? Had the doorstop spoiled me for other novels? Would this series ever get off the ground, or was the doorstop destined to be as I’d originally intended: a standalone novel? Then I’d slave through another sentence.

Two weeks of this. And I’d managed to sluggishly meander through one page. I was 15k words in, and I was already coming to a dead end. I believed in this story. I had to save it.

So I scrapped the first draft and started anew.

Instead of third person POV, I went to first person, getting deeper into the mind of my teenage male protagonist. I felt firsthand just how desperate his situation was, and how important he would eventually become to his own people. I was able to describe how lazy he felt, how useless he believed himself to be, how dense he was when it came to girls. And in going with the first person POV and present tense, I was keeping in line with the doorstop, which was told in the same fashion. Consistency was found. (Why the hell did I ever decide to deviate from the original story’s style is beyond me.)

Now my story is back on track.

It’s kind of odd that this happened. On Mondays, I’m usually trying to figure out what to blog about while trying to write a story at the same time.

I’ll make it up on Saturday: I’ll post a few concept sketches for this novel, and maybe one for another project in the works. Heh, imagine. A writer showing graphics of a non-graphic novel. Because I’m weird that way.

Wednesday and Friday will see the usual TIJ updates.

I need to hold another Kids in the Hall marathon.

Craving a giant peanut butter cup like you wouldn’t believe.

Gotta continue writing this comic recap.

The room looks great when it’s vacuumed.

Wonder which unbearable YA novel I should read next?

Wonder which unbearable YA novel I’m going to attempt to write after I’m finished with the doorstop?

Hurry up and finish downloading, Soul Reaver soundtrack.

Chris Chan needs to give in to his twisted needs and post more videos.

Can’t believe I ate liverwurst… and enjoyed it.

Wonder how many comics I can ink tomorrow afternoon?

Gotta draw more tarot cards.

Still astounded that it took me less than half an hour to write that plotline for the next novel.

(Wish I could write the whole thing in that much time.)

Studying all these videos Chris Chan uploaded, it’s almost scary to see how violent he can get.

I’ve got Audacity just sitting on my desktop and I haven’t used it for anything.

For that matter, I’ve never used Anime Studio.

Holy crapezoids, I’ll use them both!

Must storyboard something!

Maybe a Chris Chan short.

Too many books to read; too many I’m sure I won’t enjoy.

I’m so impulsive when I go to the Kindle store.

I could make this whole six-book series into a dresser drawer full of paper beads.

Artistic bent + recycling + acrylic paints = jewelry.

I wonder if anyone’s tried to turn animal dung into jewelry?

Wonder if that peanut butter pie has set yet?

Not that I’d mess with animal dung. Just wondering.

There’s a type of coffee made with beans that have passed through an exotic animal’s digestive tract. It’s expensive as hell.

I could feed my cat coffee beans and get the same result.

Must train husband to clean litter box.

Kevin thinks I’m obsessed with Chris Chan.

Geez, I found some old Crayola metallic coloring pencils! I feel like making art with them.

Never did use those Prismacolor markers all that much.

Think I found a coloring medium for the tarot cards.

Too bad scanned metallic coloring pencils don’t show up.

Think I should draw mini comics of important scenes from my novels. Got a few ideas worth sketching.

Think I’ll update This Is Johnny twice a week, starting this summer.

Maybe I’ll make Johnny fatter, too.

There aren’t a lot of fat webcomic characters who get “top billing.”

No, I can’t make him fatter. He needs to be able to move around if the story is going to move in the direction I want.

I learned a new word: hypocorism. It’s a pet name, or the practice of using a pet name, or baby talk as used by a non-infant.

Why they needed to get so damn technical about something so stupid, I don’t know.

It’s kind of odd, but I almost don’t want to finish the doorstop novel.

I wish older women didn’t use baby talk. It’s just creepy.

What am I going to do with all these ARCs? I’ve got enough paper for beads. Too bad we’ve got a propane fireplace.

Cripes, I’ve got to continue reading Voyager sometime this month.

So tempted to work on another novel while finishing up this one. Must resist. Must finish one before starting the other.

Hey, the peanut butter pie is set now! Nom nom time!

Was that baby talk I used just then?

Hey, maybe I’ll start coloring the webcomic!

And it made my car look so much better.

But getting back on topic… You’d be surprised how two or three days off from writing can warp your entire schedule, as well as your willingness to write. Most writers and authors will tell you to keep regular hours. Treat your writing as a real job, even if you’re not getting paid for it. Swell advice, and I’ve taken it to heart. For nearly a year, I’ve used my mornings for my writing, mostly because my part-time job (soon to be my former job) is an afternoon/evening shift.

On weekdays, at 9am, I’d wake up, curse my job as I rolled my carcass out of bed, fire up the laptop, then do my regular wash up/get breakfast routine. While putting together my vittles, I’d think about previous scenes, how they could be improved; think about future scenes, and if I should follow the outline or my impulse; think about how much I can possibly accomplish that day depending on how tired my eyes felt. Then I’d bring my tray up to the room, settle down with the laptop, and get to work.

It’s been four days since I’ve done any of this, and I’m looking forward to returning to it. But switching from the vacationing mindset to the working one is going to take some… well, work.

So, tomorrow morning, I’ll wake up at 9am and tell myself I can write. Remind myself that I’m leaving my job soon, fire up the laptop, and tell myself I can write as I wash my face and prepare my meal. Excitement will bubble in my blood; I’ll look forward to seeing my characters again and helping them get back home. Tired eyes won’t be an issue. Then I’ll bring my tray up to the room, settle down with the laptop, and get to work.

I’m doing something different. In 2010, I saw a few personal successes. From sticking to mostly regular blog updates, to completing the first draft of a major novel, I’m on a serious roll and I don’t plan on stopping. So why not make 2011 a year of projects? You know, stuff that I’ll actually do.

Here are what I’ve got in mind:

1. A short, sweet, and fun romance novel. I admit it, I’ve been wanting to write a romance novel for a few years now. Thing is, the kind of novel I want to write doesn’t match the guidelines or expectations of many publishers. One minor tweak of a sacred rule (so many sex scenes per novel, for one), and I’m slush pile bound. This is a likely candidate for self-publishing since it might turn out to be an experimental work.

Goals: Write first draft of 30-50k words. If possible before the year is out, write a second draft.

2. A young adult fantasy novel. Worldbuilding is a little hobby of mine, but I think it’s time I shared what I’ve created. This work will be a combination of two story ideas (one an abandoned webcomic). I’ve got a scenes list in the works, but like my Evan and Ronny novel, this may benefit from an occasional “plunge,” where I abandon outlines and go straight for the story.

Goals: Write first draft of 30-50k words.

3. Evan and Ronny. I’ve been working on this for the length of a human pregnancy. It’s time to let it brew so I can brainstorm a better third draft. I’ve got some great ideas so far, but working on this project while thinking of the next version is overwhelming.

Goals: Let novel rest for a maximum of three months. Incorporate major changes into third draft. (Oh, gods…)

4. A fantasy novella done in a pedantic manner. Kind of what James Thurber (The 13 Clocks) and William Goldman (The Princess Bride) parodied. I’ve got a great villain in mind who surely won’t protest to being yanked out of an abandoned short short. He’s desperate for attention.

Goal: Write first draft or develop concise outline.

5. On top of all these, keep up the blog and Webcomic Wednesday. WebWed could move to its own subdomain–or domain–depending on how big it gets.

Lots of writing! Wonder how much I’ll get done before the year is out? Only one way to find out…

It’s a shame I’ve come to this conclusion so late in the year, but sometimes you need to go through a few horrible experiences to cement reality. At least when the new year rolls around, I’ll have a clearer idea on what to do and how to do it. December’s going to be chock full of researching and business plan writing.

The idea of working for myself isn’t new. It’s something I’ve been playing with for about a year. After scoping out the middle-grade and YA offerings at the library, I’d go to the non-fiction and scan the business titles. How to retire rich. How to play the stock market. How to start a home-based crafts business. I’d check out a few books, read them, then think that being self-employed is a scary prospect and resign myself to a lifetime of working for other people… until I wrote a bestseller novel.

It’s not bad to dream about hitting the big time with your creative endeavors, but really, how many people manage to get rich off their works? Quite a few, yeah. Even more manage a decent living, making enough to pay the bills and take an annual vacation. If I do become famous from my works, I’ll most likely be in the latter moneymaking camp. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine with me.

At this point in my life, I’d love to make a salary that kept me out of someone else’s clutches. It’s a bitter reality that very few bosses today have their employees’ interests in mind. Decades ago, the common working schlub might have depended on his boss to keep him employed for a good 30 years, maybe even help plan for retirement. Those days are dead, gone with yesterday’s recycling.

Don’t believe me? When was the last time you heard of a corporation fighting to keep all its employees in a major crisis? The first thing to go in any downfall is part of the workforce. All higher-ups look out for themselves.

So it’s time I relied on my skills and talents to score assignments. And, damn, do I got my work cut out for myself.

One of my main concerns is pricing my services. Go too low, and I’ll appear cheap and unprofessional. Go too high, and I’ll lose several potential clients right away. When I did a mock up invoice for editing a 350-page manuscript at a cheap rate, I still scored a few thousand. Nothing to sneeze at, but only a handful of clients can spare a few thousand for such a job. (Though it’s not unusual in my current job to hear about an author paying $2,000 to get his or her book “published.”)

Then there are the services themselves. Besides editing, proofreading, and writing, there’s a number of things I could offer. I even thought about becoming an indie publisher. Granted, I can’t afford to be a printing publisher, so it would have to be digital. (Yes, I’m slowly giving in to the future true masters. All hail the borg.) But it’s one thing to sell books; it’s another to produce them. Still, it’s something to look into if I ever become disenchanted with publishing trends and want to give my friends and myself a leg up. (Besides, we could become the next Ellora’s Cave!… and move on to print publishing after a few years…)

There’s also the possibility of freelance illustrating, but I’ve heard that there are stricter guidelines involved, depending on which markets you pursue. Still worth researching. Who knows? My style could become so popular, companies would want to license it. (Would dominating the corny greeting card market be something to brag about?…)

Yep, there’s a world of possibilities awaiting me. Lots of trial and error, headaches, and woes. I won’t hit the jackpot, at least right away. Like most people starting out, I won’t see much during the first year, but as long as I make enough to keep my business afloat and pay for necessities, I’ll be happy. (It’s that pesky need to eat that’ll suck up a good portion of my funds, I just know it.)

And as long as I’ll never have to work in customer service again, that’s even better.

Even though I’ve said this story was in my head for years, only two (that I can think of at this moment) outstanding elements can claim some extent of permanence:

1) The cast. Refugees from a deferred Webcomic idea, these patient folks have been waiting for their revamped project to be greenlit. When I first thought of this story around 2005 (or so), I was sure I’d hit the Internet jackpot. College Webcomics are a dime a dozen, but how many insane, cartoony Hollywood comics are there? Sadly, it was never meant to be. The characters managed to retain pieces of their former world, but they’ve lost their home–and chunks of their identities.

2) The survival-adventure story. I’m a sucker for a lot of things–gummies, toe socks, 90s cartoons–but the adventure story has to be among the top ten. Mega frosted awesome points if the characters have to employ primitive tools and skills to make it out of their predicament alive. (Jackpot if said characters have never needed to make use of two rubbing sticks to cook their food.) Tragically, not every runaway raft or spelunking scene could be used.

So many memories of conceiving these ideas… Lazy afternoons brainstorming over a DOS game. Pages of amateur storyboards and comics. Abandoned Word and OneNote files detailing previous versions. Sometimes I wonder if I had more fun coming up with situations for my characters than actually making them happen.

Because now that I think about it, writing this novel meant the death of those other stories.

I went into this project with no clear idea about how it was going to play out. There were vague ideas (characters get lost, bad weather rolls in, knife fights at key moments). There was a concrete objective (get characters home, if I choose to let them live). And while the past eight months have been some of the best of my life, as far as creative output is concerned, the real adventure for me was free-associating those two separate worlds.

Meshing the two was a staggering exercise. Now I’ve got a project that’s on its way to becoming a (more or less acceptable) contribution to written entertainment. Yet in the process of creating this public version, the originals I’d nurtured and fallen in love with are gone. Even this second draft won’t be seen by the public; by the time I’m ready to unleash my story onto the world, it’ll be long gone, replaced by a newer, shinier, almost unrecognizable version.

First drafts are never meant to be seen by anyone besides the writer. But it’s still a sad time when the writer realizes the death of his or her original idea.

As much as I’d love to be able to support myself with my writing, it’s going to be a while until I can sell something to a publisher. (Of course, I realize the chances of my getting published, but I’m trying to remain optimistic here. Just humor me.) My current job doesn’t pay much, and despite being part-time, it allows even less time for my little family and myself. I have to ask for time off at least a month in advance, and even then, nothing is guaranteed. My boss will tack on extra hours and days to my schedule, sometimes the day before she needs me to work that extra time. The work is getting to be too much; I’m burned out and I need to move on.

In other words, I’ve also been job hunting. Takes up some considerable time, believe me. Revamping a resume, researching potential employers, conceiving ways to get out of my current job without having my boss go into sabotage mode… Not to mention keeping myself in a positive frame of mind while doing all this. Looking for a job is about as much work as working an actual job.

I’m not talking about rescheduling updates for this blog… well, okay, I am. I’m considering moving my weekly update to Sunday, when I’m usually guaranteed a day off and I have more time to write/create/whatever. It’s also time I started doing more than just write about writing and books, isn’t it? ‘Bout time I started posting concept art, sketches, and comics…

Right! That starts today. After I’ve finished writing this chapter.