Late last month, she turned for the worst. All the chemo in the world couldn’t save her. She threw up whatever she ate, refused to eat even though she looked longingly at the pieces of cheese my mother-in-law held out for her, and couldn’t go to the bathroom properly. She lied on the couch, head hanging off the cushion. Her breathing was becoming labored.

As I tweeted a few days ago, I wasn’t looking forward to this Sunday. That’s because a few days prior, my in-laws had made the brave decision to have Jody put to sleep on this day. I couldn’t begin to imagine planning such a thing, but then, in the two cases when it happened in my own family, they were quick decisions. There was no planning or second guessing. No chances to wonder if maybe there was another way.

I remember struggling with my own decision to have my beloved cat, Pepper, put to sleep a few years ago. Renal failure stole her health. The strict diet she was on gave us two extra years together. Two painful, anxiety-ridden years. There were days when I wondered if I’d come home from school to find her gone on her blue chair. But as long as she could still move, as long as she could hop into my lap while I worked on my computer, I was happy to have her. The day I made that awful but freeing decision came the day she meowed pitifully at me after I’d come home. Holding her in my lap on the car ride to the vet’s, I knew it was the last ride we’d have together. It was the hardest decision of my life, but to let her go on just so I could have her a bit longer would be selfish.

I told her I loved her countless times as she went limp in my arms.

I had her for nearly eighteen years. Jody’s family had her for twelve.

This Sunday, we all gathered in the family room. My mother-in-law sat on the couch, holding Jody. My father-in-law held her paw. My husband and I held each other as we stood off the side. Seconds after the injection, the light went out in those eyes. “Go to heaven, sweetie,” the vet said softly.

I can’t call myself religious, but it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard a vet say.

So while Jody wasn’t my dog, I was very fond of her. I loved the way she bark-greeted us when we walked past the couch. I loved walking up to the door and seeing her little face in the lower section of the side window. Logically, I’ve prepared myself for this. I continued my projects as usual, spending as much time with her as possible (when I felt like it didn’t cut into my in-laws’ time with her). But now it’s a different matter. I barely got 300 words written in my project, and it took me longer than the usual 2-4 hours to finish a whole TIJ comic.

It just hasn’t been a good day for working is what I’m saying. I just started writing this post the moment I logged in to the site. I’m not going to bother editing it much. The habit-drugged brain is begging for work, but the heart really isn’t into it right now. (And if you think that’s no excuse, I’m going to ask you to kindly go to hell, because you have no place on this blog or in my life.)

Next week won’t see much of an update, either, but it will have do more with the blog itself than any family tragedies (here’s hoping). TIJ will update as usual.

1) Mixed news about my in-laws’ dog, Jody. She made it through surgery like a trooper, and all seemed well until Tuesday night. She didn’t turn for the worse, but we did get some bad news from the doctor. The tests indicated that she has blood cancer, the worst kind anyone could get. All types of cancer are awful, but the kind that affects blood can reach all organs faster and more maliciously. Her spleen was the first to go. Next, it could be her heart, her lungs, or anything irreplaceable.

My in-laws are upset–I was devastated when my cat, Pepper, was diagnosed with renal failure–but I wish my mom-in-law wasn’t “doom and gloom” about it. The holidays are a difficult time for her, what with her grandmother and parents dying in December (over the span of a decade). Only today did she get the idea to encourage Jody to be strong. She had the right to be upset, but she was practically grieving for her still-alive companion.

Jody goes to an oncologist Monday for additional tests. Right now, all we know is that her type of cancer can significantly shorten her life; she could go a few months to half a year, even with chemo. As with all illnesses, there’s a chance of remission. Maybe a miracle. It’s almost how it was with Pepper, except I knew that the renal failure would end her life; she was over 15 when I got the news. But we had two more years together. It still wasn’t enough time, but it was time well spent.

We’re hoping that this isn’t Jody’s last Christmas, but we’re going to make it the best.

2) I’d hate to end this post on a bittersweet note, so let me tell you guys about a new favorite blog of mine. Anyone who’s followed the Monkey Island franchise for a number of years is familiar with the name Dominic Armato. For those of you who don’t know, he’s the voice of Guybrush Threepwood and food enthusiast. It’s almost hard to think of celebrities and voice actors as having interests outside their professions, but Dom has nurtured a lifelong love affair with meals, snacks, appetizers, ingredients… well, anything that can go in one’s belly.

Food blogs are kind of a bore to read, to be honest. Too many pretentious types who think they know the right way to roast chicken, or who won’t sample anything from a fast food joint. Not Dom. He enjoys the occasional five-star dish, but he loves sloppy, juicy sandwiches all the same. His love doesn’t know the definition of “limitations.” He isn’t above buying a basket of fries. That’s what I like in a foodie. Best of all, he can cook, and he likes to share his forays and recipes.

What’s more fun is sharing some posts with my husband (my boning knife-speared, steam-logged, mandolin-scarred veteran of the food industry) and getting his input. I like testing Kevin’s knowledge and seeing if he agrees with another cook on techniques or preparation. He has a degree and was trained by chefs (one a baking/pastry master) from around the world, so I like to see if any pretentious “that isn’t how it’s done!” attitude will bubble past the laid back veneer. For the most part, both Kevin and Dom are on the same page as far as pasta is concerned, though Kevin did learn that one is supposed to finish pasta in the sauce. I’m tempted to get him to experiment.

Skillet Doux is one of those blogs that might change my life… or at least my eating habits. Which, I guess, will change my life… you know what I mean. Every outing to an eating establishment will be treated as an adventure and a learning experience. So feed your inner foodie and bookmark this blog! (Fair warning: Read on a full stomach or at least with a sandwich nearby. Extra Happy Fun Time Tip: Prepare pasta the Dominic way and put in a full night of Monkey Island. See if you can juggle game controls and a loaded fork!)

Use your blog to connect. Use it as you. Don’t ‘network’ or ‘promote.’ Just talk… It’s much more important to write than to blog, so only blog if it makes you happy and if you have something to say. — Neil Gaiman (quoted from this blog)

Sometimes, my brain gets tired trying to conceive new topics for this blog. I’ve got at least a year’s worth of Monday update ideas in my little journal, and as long as I can draw a comic in three to four days, I’ll have years (if not decades) of Webcomic Wednesdays ahead of me. It took me years to figure out what to do with this chunk of webspace, and I’m glad to be one of the millions of writing/webcomicking blogs online today. Sure, fame still kind of eludes me, and I don’t have hundreds following me on Facebook or Twitter (yet), but I’m having fun building myself up as a writer-cartoonist.

But the one thing I miss from my old blogging days is… well… talking about myself. Sounds conceited, I know. But I liked talking about some of the things that went on in my life. From my pets to finding old DOS games on abandonware sites, I never seemed to run out of things to talk about. A few people even e-mailed me to tell me how much they liked my posts, or how they identified with me, or how much they enjoyed my online finds. It felt awesome to bring a little fun or insight to these folks. For a shy gal, it means a lot.

Not too long ago, I said that I wanted to limit my updates to Mondays and Wednesdays. I actually have a decent run with Friday/Saturday updates, but at the end of those days, I was too “laggy” to think of anything creative. So I decided to give it up.

Then I read the above quotes by Gaiman. And I thought to myself, “Just how creative do I have to be to talk about myself?” If it works for the flavor of the week socialite, it can work for dumpy ol’ me.

So let me take you into my life, gentle reader. If you’ve been following me for years, welcome back. If you’re a newcomer… well, hope you like occasional weirdness.

So this week was a quintuple-punch of joy.

One
I found a new “bedtime podcast.” Like so many iPod addicts, I find it hard to go anywhere without my “joint.” That includes bed, and I like to download a slew of podcasts to ease my brain into sleep mode. My enabler used to be Stuff You Should Know, but I’ve grown to resent the hosts. Don’t get me wrong. They’re fun guys. But lately, I get a unprofessional smug vibe from them. They like to laugh at their cleverness. And it doesn’t help that when they quote facts, they often add some variation of, “I think that’s right.” If you’re going to go into fact mode, make sure you’ve got correct information and don’t doubt yourself. (A lesson I’m sure to keep forever.)

So it’s with a delighted squee and a kiddy handclap that I download Useless Information by Steve Silverman. He sounds dull, like that history teacher you had in middle grade. But trust me, this guy has a wealth of useless but fascinating trivia. The frosting on this guilt-free cake is the dry, unsuspecting sense of humor. Steve could be doing down a list of facts and then blindside you with a quip. My favorite is from the Cardiff Giant episode when he describes the giant being anatomically accurate in every way. “And while I didn’t pull out a ruler–no, it wasn’t to measure that…” I giggled like an immature schoolgirl.

My only complaint is that these only come out once a month. But Steve puts a lot of time and care into each episode, so you can be sure that you’re getting a quality product, and for free, no less. So check out the podcast on iTunes, and visit the Useless Information website while you’re at it.

Two
Paranormal investigation shows seem to be all the rage these days. There’s too much reality show crud polluting the airwaves, but for me, ghost hunting shows manage to stand out as possible treasures. My husband and I used to watch Ghost Hunters religiously until we grew tired of the format. (Go into house. See/hear/feel something suspiciously paranormal. Speed zoom away from location. Commercial break. Return to investigators. Have paranormal incident debunked with mundane explanation. Repeat two to three times per case.) I swear, it was like Power Rangers all over again. Every episode was so bloody similar. It still hasn’t deterred me from following Jason and Grant on Twitter, though; I love their humor and insights.

I’ve known about Ghost Adventures for a while, but didn’t care for them. They seemed unprofessional, more laid back, and a little goofier than GH. But you know something? They got me. I’m tuning in every Friday night and enjoying the hell out of myself. They really go all out to make each episode an experience; creepy locations, reenactments, and general young male horseplay. Brain candy extreme! With their recent visit to the Villisca Axe Murder house, I daresay that these guys have made me a fan for life.

Three
I’ll be leaving my current place of employment in January. It’s been a long time coming. Due to the sensitive nature of this choice, I can’t say anymore. Don’t be alarmed, I’m not in trouble or anything. You just never know who might be reading, right?

Four
I saved the best for last. My in-laws’ little Lhasa Apso, Jody, had a very, very close call.

At the beginning of every December, the in-laws spend a week at the Biltmore Estate. Their plans–as well as ours–were dashed when Jody refused to eat. See, Jody has recently been put on arthritis medication, and we figured that the loss of appetite was a side effect. But Mom-In-Law suspected something else was wrong. She was right to suspect.

Two visits to the vet later, we learned Friday that Jody had a mass on her spleen. Surgery was necessary. Right away.

As soon as the vet took the spleen out and set it on the operating table, it ruptured.

It’s kind of hard not to think about how close we came to losing her. And this close to Christmas… well, no one would be in a festive mood tonight. Or maybe the next few Christmases.

She’s okay. Drugged out and feeling very grudgey towards everyone. (Hey, I didn’t do anything!) But she can live without that organ. She’ll need 24/7 care for the next two weeks (!!!), but if she makes it out of this without a hitch, I think this indeed will be a merry Christmas.

We had a helluva nor’easter on Wednesday and Thursday. Surprisingly, the power never went out, but I was reluctant to work on the computer for too long. But my laptop did suffer some non-storm-related damage.

See, I have–or had–a habit of placing my iPod earbuds on the laptop keyboard when I’m not using them. At one point, I forgot that I’d put them there and lowered the lid. Naturally, my action was met with some resistance, and my memory kicked in. “Oh, wait. I put my earbuds there.” But my husband decided to try his hand at closing the lid the whole way…

So now I have a cracked screen. My laptop is still usable, but there’s a black splotch at the lower left corner, accentuated by a cracked glass effect. The bottom of the screen is striped gray from the taskbar, which I had to move up just to access my programs, and since I couldn’t see the taskbar, I had to guess where it was so I could stretch it upwards. That was a fun 10 minutes.

I shudder to think how much it’s going to cost to get a replacement screen. I’d do it myself, but I don’t really know what kind of screen I have, and I’m not confident in my hardware skills. I’d probably fry my motherboard.

Then on Wednesday, my husband came home early from work with a little surprise for me:

This is Rain, a stray kitten he found in the warehouse. (As you can guess, her name came from the nasty storm.) She was found with another kitten, who’s on his way to finding a good home. We’re guessing that Rain is 4-5 weeks old; her eyes are still a little cross-eyed, as are all tiny kittens’ eyes. But she’s learned how to use a litter box, eat solid food, and lap up water. Still, caring for a kitten is a lot of work, especially when there are a lot of objects that aren’t exactly kitten-safe. I’ve been cutting up mat board from my graphic design/college days to build a barrier for the bed (anyone with cats knows that if a cat gets under the bed, he or she will stay under there for hours).

And since Kevin is allergic to cats, I’ve been busy cleaning the room. It’ll be an ongoing chore, of course, but there was a lot that I needed to do in order to make a large part of the room walkable, kitten-proof, and Kevin-and-cat-friendly.

So that’s what I’ve been doing for the past several days. I’ve also been thinking about how to run this site. Updating Mondays and Fridays sounds like a good idea–wait! I’ve been saying that I’ll update, but I never do. Okay, let’s try something else…

I will not update Mondays and Fridays. Mondays will not see posts about the publishing industry, books I’ve read and liked or hated, or random thoughts on authors and books. On Fridays, I will not write about writing or story ideas. I will let this site fall into obscurity yet again. I will fail at running a site! I will not resume regular posting this Friday, with thoughts on the NaNoWriMo and what I plan on doing with my current project!

That oughta do it…