Obnoxious Gal

My husband and I are making a Christmas tradition of ordering from the Swiss Colony, a company observing the time-honored practice of selling overpriced sweets and meats to a public who should know better. Still, their peanut butter cheesecake was pretty awesome, even if it left my palate feeling sticky and thick.

After purchasing their goods, you receive monthly bills from the Colony. Nothing fantastic about this, as most companies send bills every month, but the Colony likes to throw in a few advertisements.

This one I found rather fitting and a little tacky:

It’s almost as if they’re saying, “We know that our instantly widening, bottom-enlarging, tummy fattening treats have done a number on you, and we’re terribly sorry about it. But wipe away your tears, push away your regrets. We know a company who’ll be glad to offer you a free sample of shaping pantyhose shorts! Also, we’ve increased your spending credit. Check out our frog melties, perfect for summer snacking!”

You’re not fooling anyone by having a skinny model pose in those shortz. You put a bulky mother of four who’s been fed on fatty bacon and goose lard in those, and they’ll explode within seconds. And I’d duck for cover, because fabric traveling at 2000 mph can be lethal.